The Diary Entries
by La'Ruelia
Summary: Feeling like there wasn't much time left in her life, and worrying that she would go before Laguna made it back home, Raine Loire decided to start a little journal of her own.
1. Prologue: The Tall Grass

**The Diary Entries**

**Summary**: Feeling like there wasn't much time left in her life, and worrying that she would go before Laguna made it back home, Raine Loire decided to start a little journal of her own.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy VIII.

_Note:_ This is not really a sequel to my other story _The Journal Entries_, but kind of Raine's version of her acquiring Ellone and meeting Laguna. Just wanted to let those reading that you do not have to read that story first! (But if you want to, go for it!) Also there are things I need to fix in _The Journal Entries_, timeline wise, that I have to go back and fix. So if there are any inconsistencies, I apologize in advance and am working on them.

**Prologue: **The Tall Grass

_Dear Readers,_

_Hello. My name is Raine Loire. Is this how you start an entry? Is this really how he starts his? This is like a diary. No it sounds like a letter. Maybe I'll start over._

_Dear…who is my audience? Who's going to read this after I'm gone? I doubt anyone is going to come back and look for this. I mean, it's just my little thoughts on the most significant events of my family's life. Maybe this could be buried with me. Well, then what's the point in writing? Just how would he do this?_

_Dear._

_Dear. Dear. Dear. Oh, dearie me!_

_Ellone._

_No doubt you'll come back from Esthar with that hopeless soldier in tow and find this sad excuse of a journal in my place. Greeting you at the door. Oh, but I shouldn't start off that negative, should I? That's it then, my dear Elle. This is my letter to you. I can only hope I can give it to you personally._

_I don't know how much time I have left. Certainly, and hopefully, I will get to see your darling face before I go. I'm getting sick, and with this…with my condition…how do I explain this? We never did have that talk about where babies come from, and I'm sure if I live to see the day you return home you'll be surprised to see me this huge! My husband too, I'm sure. I can just see it now, Laguna's big goofy smile, and me trying to hide away the fact that I'm too pale and there are dark circles under my eyes._

_Anyway. This is for you, Ellone. This is our story. Laguna's too, of course._

* * *

At nine-years-old, Raine Leonhart liked to think she was the perfect person. She was never late to school, always did her homework, never picked fights with the other children in Winhill, and always ate her vegetables.

But even sometimes perfect people do some very imperfect things. This time was one of them.

At nine, she, like most children her age, thought she was invincible. Impervious to harm in such a peaceful village in the middle of nowhere. So when she was dared to run through the tall grass between the flower shop and the grocery store, to collect a chocobo feather, she didn't think twice. She stuffed her school pencils she was carrying into her pants pocket, shoved off her bookbag, tucked her long hair into the neck of her sweater, and climbed over the fence.

The grass quickly enveloped her. All around were tall walls of dead green. Being in the grass was like a whole different kind of adventure, one that she thought she would enjoy.

Until she came face to face with the largest bug she had ever seen in her life. Who knew such monstrous caterpillars lived right next door! Raine was lucky enough to run away before it realized that she was a small human, and the perfect lunch. In her running, though, she found that she was lost and not anywhere near the wooded fence.

_Mom and dad are really going to freak out!_ she thought to herself, combing through the tall grass. _I don't know where I am at all!_

She reminded herself that she was smart. She had to believe that she would be able to get out of this alive. Maybe if she just found the parted grass she came from she could just follow it back to the road. When she did find the parted grass she cried a very quiet cry of happiness, as if not to attract any unwanted attention, and began to follow it.

It was an hour later that she started to get worried. She had been following the grass the whole time and yet there was no sign of an end. Just as she started to get really frazzled, she tripped on a root that stuck out of the ground. She gathered herself up, rubbed her sore knees, and continued on. It was many minutes later when she realized something was very wrong.

She stepped up to the flattened grass and picked up a broken pencil. She patted her pockets and groaned. She had been walking in a circle, or something like it at least. She looked around but could only see the parted grass in front of her. She took another lap and decided to try and retrace her steps, but she realized that wasn't going to work. There wasn't a very clear path anywhere, and she started to dislike the unknown that there were creatures out there waiting for her. When she felt like she couldn't move any longer, was when the panic started to eat away at her.

She collapsed onto the grass and pulled her knees up to her chest. It started as short deep breaths, but as the afternoon started turning into night, panic shown itself through tears and soft wails. She didn't care anymore that she could be eaten by the big bugs from all her bawling. She could only think that she was going to die out here in the tall grass, or she would be found by her parents and they would kill her. It was deadly both ways.

"Raine! Raine?"

Raine heard her name so very faintly but couldn't form words to call back. Instead she hiccupped and cried as loud as she could. Eventually she could hear stomping getting closer, and she found herself hiding her head in her arms in case it was the monster come back for her. She was surprised when instead she was being lifted into the air by some very strong arms. "Raine, oh dear Hyne!"

"Da-da…d?" Raine managed to say between breaths and heaves. Even in the dark she could see the panic and relief in the eyes of her father. She frowned as fresh new tears clouded her vision and found she could no longer breathe through her stuffy nose. She wrapped her arms as tightly as she could around his neck and didn't let go.

. . .

"You could have been killed!"

Raine couldn't look up as her mother stood over her, waving her hands in the air. "I'm sorry," she muttered to the floor.

"I raised you to speak up and look at your elders and parents."

Raine shyly allowed herself a look into her mother's face. Her long, brown hair was kept in a nice thick braid that hung down from her shoulders. The one thing that was a little different between the two was that her mother's bangs were always pinned back. Raine believed it was because her mother's eyes needed a direct route into other people's souls to make them feel guilty for anything bad they might have done. How else was she to raise an adventurous daughter? People did say they looked alike, and Raine often wondered if that meant she was to also inherit Felicia Leonhart's flaming fury. Her mother raised one eyebrow and Raine mumbled out her apology without breaking eye contact.

"You're so very lucky those boys came running down the road screaming! You were out there for _hours_! I was worried _sick_! If your father hadn't found you…you could have…" Her mother shut her eyes, pinched the bridge of her nose, and then threw her long braid over her shoulder. Raine knew _the fury_ was trying to be suppressed in these little gestures. She waved a hand at her daughter. "Upstairs with you. Someone will be along to give you dinner."

As a guilty, little Raine dragged her feet up the steps she caught the beginning of a whimper. She was already in enough trouble as it was, so she risked herself to stand on the steps and peek into the kitchen through the banister.

Her father had made his way in from outside just in time to catch her mother at the table, head in her hands and shoulder's shaking. He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek, maybe whispering something soothing into her ear. Felicia finally let her hands fall, and she cried out, sadly, "She's my only baby left, Owen! I…I can't b-bare the thought of losing her, too."

It was the last thing Raine could stomach to overhear, and she scurried up the rest of the way upstairs. As she closed her bedroom door and flopped onto her bed, empty belly first, she sighed. She had to remember that sometimes even perfect people made mistakes.


	2. Chapter One: Seventeen-Year-Old Problems

**Chapter One:** Seventeen-Year-Old Problems

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy VIII.

_Just a short little blurb here. This baby is making a lot of fuss, and I feel like it's going to be another restless night._

_When I was seventeen, I would like to hope I wasn't a complaining young woman. But somehow, as I think about what I'm about to write, this little chapter in my book of life I definitely felt like a complainer. Oh, the issues and drama of men and mothers. Lucky I hadn't met you yet, my dear husband. We might not have gotten along so well._

_It was a warm night…_

* * *

At seventeen Raine knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life.

"I'm going to own that bar and sell flowers!" she announced to her mother, just days before her eighteenth birthday. Felicia, who had up to her elbows in soap water, just sighed. "What?"

"That's just not what I envisioned my daughter would say. Don't you want to go to school, or become something…more…?"

"Respectable?" Her mother winced. Raine crossed her arms. "No, mom. I would rather not. I'm already selling flowers, which is only a seasonal job anyway. What am I supposed to do with the rest of my time? Be a traveling nurse? No thank you!"

"There's nothing wrong with being a nurse, Raine. I've taught you all I know about medicinal herbs and medicines, but I don't know everything! That's why we now have nurses. They have helped Winhill so much in just the short amount of time they've been here. It's just that you're young! Why don't you want to explore a little? You mind as well before you settle down. You know, me and your father never did have the chance to."

Raine rolled her eyes. She didn't have those kinds of plans in mind. "Momma I'm not interested in settling down for a long time. I mean it. A long time," she said, before her mother could interrupt. "I don't need to explore. I very much like Winhill. Besides, there are no interesting guys here."

"Oh, what about that Clive? You know he's a charmer."

"Never. He doesn't like me anyway." Raine walked over to where her mother was at the sink, and leaned on the counter. "Boys are dumb."

"They won't be dumb forever."

Raine just stared out the window instead of responding to that right away. She was way too young to be thinking of that kind of thing. Sure she just finished school, and most of her classmates were already moving away to university or the military. What was so bad about being home? She liked this little town well enough, and her best friend wasn't leaving either. "Emery isn't going away."

"Well, Emery Jacobson is not Raine Leonhart. Raine Leonhart was raised to think on her own and not follow the sheep." Her mother nudged her with a soapy elbow. "And that shouldn't be your only excuse for not wanting to get out of here. I'm not trying to dissuade you from doing what you want, I just want to make sure that's really what you want to do."

"The world outside is a scary place anyway," Raine sighed. "From what we hear Galbadia and Esthar are not playing nice."

Her mother paused in her dish washing. Raine mentally reminded herself that the Galbadian Army was a sore subject. So she changed it. "I think I forgot something down at the shop. Do you need anything while I'm out?"

"Ah, no. I'm fine." Her mother gave her a sad smile. "Just be safe out there."

There had been a few sightings of monsters that have been roaming outside of the town, a little too close for comfort for the citizens of Winhill. Raine knew to take her whistle in case one was spotted that she couldn't scare away. They were becoming a nuisance and it didn't help that the guard had been taken away by President Deling for his mass army he was collecting. _No_, Raine thought to herself. _I won't leave this place now. I don't want to deal with a war if we have one._

She grabbed the whistle and shoved it into her pocket. It was a warm June evening and she didn't think she would need her jacket so she left outside and started over the path to the flower shop. As she was passing the old wooden fence, the memory of getting lost all of those years ago came flooding back like it always did. After that event, Winhill decided they would cut down the tall grass. It decreased the monster buildup just a little too. The walk to the shop wasn't eventful and when she opened the door, the bell chimed. An older woman stood behind the counter, Emery's grandmother. "Ah, Raine!"

"Hello, Mrs. Jacobson! Is Emery around? I figured I'd try here before going all the way up to her house."

The older woman nodded and welcomed her behind the counter. Her grandmother's house was connected through a door in the back. Raine went through the door and almost immediately bumped into her friend. Emery had short, very blond hair and brown eyes. She was always tall for her age, and Raine was pretty secretly jealous. Her friend always seemed to look better in any dress with her endless legs. "Were you just getting ready to leave?" Raine asked in the doorway.

"Mom wants me home eventually," her friend replied with a roll of her eyes. "Wants to talk about my future and all that jazz."

"What's up with our moms today? She asked me about that, too!" Raine closed the door behind her and followed the yellow haired woman to the small kitchen table.

"Really? That's funny! Did you want any tea? I was just going to make Grammy some—oh, you know what that fool of a boy did today? He was just up in the shop asking around for me and when I finally got tired of hearing Grammy's excuses, that I could hear from all the way back here mind you, I went out there and he just wanted to brag about his adventure he's taking with Clive. Just wanted me to get all worked up and jealous of his trip! Oh, got me mad!"

Raine laughed. "I almost didn't know what you were talking about!"

"Oh you know. That stupid ex of mine! Breaking up with Erik was the best decision I've ever made." She finally got the tea that she needed and brought out three cups. "Oh you wanted some right?" Raine nodded, and she continued. "I swear, I know we just graduated, but I don't want to go gallivantering around Galbadia!"

"I said that to my mom today. She wants me to go explore the world a little but I told her I'd rather stay here. I said I wanted to own the bar and sell flowers!" Raine, said and they laughed. "I mean that's not _really_ what I want to do exactly, but I don't plan on going anywhere until I really know!"

"That old bar. You can't even drink yet!" Emery said, pouring the hot water into the cups. She slid one down to Raine, and ran one out to her grandmother. "Me, I know I want to stay. I'll stay here forever, but mom wants to send me out to live with my family in Timber! _Timber_! Of all places! That tiny little city surrounded by trees."

"Most of them have been cut down, you know."

"Still. I couldn't bear to live there. I don't like the city life from my visits to it, and I know the only reason why she wants me to go is so that I can meet some guy and have babies."

"Are our moms on the same wavelength right now? I swear its grandchildren this and that! We're _seventeen_! And I can't believe she's wanting you to marry someone outside of Winhill!"

"I think she'll accept Timber because we have family, really just a _second_ cousin, up there, but oh my goodness if I decide to go to Deling or—gasp!—Balamb and get knocked up. She'd die." Raine laughed as Emery took a sip of her tea. "At this rate there won't be any women left to repopulate Winhill if they want us to leave."

"Sounds about right. There were thirteen of us ladies to graduate and all but three of us are leaving."

"We should go visit Tansa!" Emery tapped her hand on the table twice for emphasis. "We three girls have got to stick together! Fend off the boys."

"And our mothers," Raine added, and Emery almost choked on her tea.

. . .

"And just _who_ is that?"

There was a green car on the side of the square. In front of the house they were just about to go visit. "Family visiting Winhill?" Raine suggested. She added after a beat, "I don't think Tansa has family outside of here."

"That is the flashiest car I've ever seen in my life." Emery wrinkled her nose. "It's not just green. It's _lime_ green. Ugh!"

"We don't even see those things around anymore." Raine walked up and investigated the car a little more closely. It was all nice and prim on the inside, and looked very taken care of. She didn't think it was a new car, but maybe the person was trying to overcompensate. She caught the license plate number, and looked over to her friend. "Whoever they are, they're from Dollet."

"At least it's not Deling City." Emery eyed the house in front of her. "I don't know. Should we go?"

"What's the harm?" Raine replied.

. . .

As they walked out of Tansa's house, Emery frowned. "Definitely not the nicest guy I've ever met."

"Who is he to say all that stuff about the country?" Raine fumed. Emery turned to her angry friend. "I'll show him the country!"

"Simmer down there." Emery hooked an arm around Raine as they made their way back to the flower shop. "Maybe you are getting your mother's fury."

"I don't want it!"

"You're still yelling! You'll attract monsters!" Emery said with a laugh. She covered her own mouth with a finger, as if that would soothe Raine, and winked. "I don't think that guy'll last long around here, anyway. Don't overthink it!"

"She's totally fallen for it, though." Raine made sure to keep her voice down a little. "Tansa's in love. Definitely."

"And she'll fall out of it soon enough. Come on, come on. Let's see if Grammy is making dinner!"

When they reached the flower shop it was already closed. Emery got her key out and let them in. It was inside that she noticed a certain bag on the counter. "Oh. Momma's here."

"Should I go?" Raine knew that Emery's mother probably wanted to have some quiet time to talk it out with her daughter.

Emery sighed. "Sorry. I better go deal with her."

"Yeah. I'd better go deal with my own." She gave her friend a poke in the arm. "Just don't start getting all crazy!"

"I should say that to you!" Emery responded with a laugh. "_I'll show him country_," she imitated in a high pitched voice.

"Not at all what I sound like!"

"Sure, sure. Hey see you tomorrow? Bright and early! Grammy's going to need all the help she can get!"

"Gotta get ready for this Spring Festival. I'll be here!"

Raine waved her friend goodbye, wishing her luck with the conversation with her mother. It was getting late anyway and she didn't want her own mother to be worried. She sighed and put her hands in her jeans pocket, hand curling around the whistle just to make sure it was still there, as she made her way back to her own house. She couldn't help but to think of the man visiting with Tansa and feel a twinge of anger form in her stomach. She just couldn't muster any type of trust from people who come and visit this little town. She just didn't understand what was so important about a tiny village by the sea. With all the talk of boys and moving she was ready for a nap.

Just as she was getting towards the docks, she noticed a shipment had come in. There were men loading and unloading a few boats. There was also another guy standing by the steps that led up to the cliff. His dark curly hair looked messy, like he didn't have a good time on the sea, and Raine had to admit his outfit was a little odd. He looked to be dressed in this weird long, light blue robe that was cut off all jagged-like at the ends. The robe was open and she could see travel clothes underneath. He pushed square-rimmed glasses up on his face and started looking around. He definitely gave off an awkward vibe, and Raine knew she would have to talk to him. _Oh great. I think about strangers and then I bump into one. What is with today?_ she asked herself. She steeled her face for the worst, hand gripping the whistle in her pocket.

He saw her approach and despite the hard expression she was trying to wear, he still talked to her. "Oh! Excuse me!"

"Yes. What is it?" Raine flinched at the way she sounded. It was okay to distrust at first, but being rude was not how she knew to introduce herself to people. "I'm sorry. Long day. How may I help you?" _Too nice. Way too nice! I'm not in the shop!_

If she sounded too sickly sweet the stranger didn't take any notice. Instead he smiled a bright smile, and Raine could feel an ease in her stomach lift a little. He had a charming face. "No worries. I, uh, seem to be lost? I'm looking for the Birch Inn?"

Right next to where she lived. She nodded her head, smiling at him. "I'm actually heading that way. I can show you. Ah, my name is Raine!"

"Oh!" He lifted his arm all the way up to let the sleeve of his robe move out of the way of his fingers, and then held out his hand. Raine shook it. "Kenrick! I've come here to start anew I guess!"

Raine couldn't help but to ask, "All the way to Winhill? I mean. It's not really a place to just…be?"

Kenrick laughed, and Raine had to admit this guy was already thirty times nicer than the jerk she met an hour ago. "I know. I know. But I heard some great things about the fish this side of the globe so I decided to try my hand at fishing here!"

"You came all the way from…?"

"Esthar."

"Esthar!" Raine quickly toned herself down. He wasn't an enemy, really. No need for her to freak out. "Ahh, Esthar, just to come _fishing_? Here?"

Kenrick nodded. "Balamb has some great fish but I'm done with living the tourist-city life. I saw this place, and I said to my mother and father that I just had to get out! I was too much of a burden on them anyway. What's a twenty-one year old doing with his parents anyway?" He laughed a little, blushing from his admittance.

Raine laughed a little too, but not in a mean sense. "Is there even any water near Esthar?" she asked.

"One lake. A beautiful lake!" he exclaimed. "But I can't fish there too often. President…or well…whatever she is, doesn't want us to."

Raine knew there was something going on with a Sorceress down in Esthar, but decided she didn't want to know any details. "Well, if you want to figure out how to get in the fishing business, there's a guy at the market down the lane we just walked away from. The name's Charlie and I'm sure he would love some help. Especially now." Raine debated on whether she was going to mention it, and when he gave her an almost curious look she decided to tell him. "We've been losing a lot of our younger men to the military."

"Ah." Kenrick nodded his head. "I understand. I also wanted to escape that in Esthar. I'm definitely not cut out for the military." And as if he needed any emphasis, he pushed his sliding glasses up onto his nose. He smiled, and Raine couldn't help but to give him a smile back.

They finally rounded the corner and Raine stopped in front of the Birch Inn. She pointed in one direction and he followed her finger. "Over there is the town square, up a few rows of houses. There's a bar, the mayor's house, and other little shops around." She pointed in the other direction. "Where we just came from, if you keep going down there's the marketplace, the items shop, and flower shop. This place is pretty small, so it's hard to get lost. Oh! And you'll want to make sure you don't stay out too late, we've been having some issues with minor monsters coming into the town. Don't be scared though! They hate whistles!" Kenrick looked a little relieved. "If you ever need anything, I live right next door! I'm sure my mother and I can answer any questions." She smiled and held out her hand, not sure why she felt like being nice to this total stranger right now. Maybe it was because he looked so harmless. "Well, welcome to Winhill!"

"Thank you so very much, Miss Raine!"

"Please, just Raine'll do!" She gave him another smile and had to tell herself to walk calmly over to her house. She couldn't wait to see Emery tomorrow to talk about the new kid in town.


	3. Chapter Two: In Cold Blood

**Chapter Two:** In Cold Blood

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy VIII.

_I guess I should put a warning, huh? This little part was a sad moment in Winhill.  
_

_Skip ahead a few years, and something devastating happens to this little place. Ellone, you might not want to read this entry. Not until you're older. Please, Laguna, don't let her read this. I don't want her relapsing…or…I just don't want her hurt._

_And I certainly won't read this to you, Ellone. Don't ask. You wouldn't understand._

_Laguna I never really told you fully what happened on this day. I might have said some little comment about it, but never the whole thing. It was truly one of the worst days of our lives. One that changed both me and Ellone forever._

* * *

The invasion happened very quickly.

This little town was usually a very quiet place. Not enough people occupied it to even make much noise at all, but it was as if there was a buzz of something going on. No one could quite put a word to it. It had been lasting for weeks, and they could only pull rumors from the letters that the women received from their lovers, husbands, sons, and brothers who were in the Galbadian army. One rumor kept circling around and around. The more people talked about it the more they knew it was the truth, and that no one could stop what would eventually happen to the children in Winhill. Specifically the young girls. This dread increased the buzz about the town and found mothers doing desperate things to hide away their daughters.

Raine, now twenty-three, stood at her pub's counter with a rag in her hand. Moments ago she was swiping away at the daily grime that had accumulated on the top, but stopped when she heard it; gunshots. In a heartbeat she threw the rag away from herself and went to the door. Swinging it open, she ushered the people who were in the square into the bar. When the square was empty, she closed the door and bolted it in place.

"What could they possibly want?"

"You know exactly what they've come for."

Raine put a finger to her lips. The elderly couple stopped their arguing, mouths forming thin lines. You could almost hear a pin drop in the room, if it wasn't for the loud breathing and wheezing coming from the people standing behind her. Raine looked at the bunch she was able to take in. There was a bit of a mixture of people in the room, though most of them were older. All of the able bodied men were sent to the military, only leaving the sick and elderly in the tiny place. There were a few young woman in the bar, most with their young children. Raine watched as there was a young boy clutching to his mother, who was in turn whispering gently against his hair. _Luckily there are only boys_, Raine thought bitterly. She felt the anger at the war, and the sorceress who headed it, surge in her body.

She pulled open the curtain on the door to see troops walking into the center. The townspeople didn't have any strong men to guard the gates, and Raine could only hope those who did decide to protect the town didn't get themselves killed. She watched as the bug like soldiers broke into each house. Some left empty handed, others dragged out the poor victims. She could hear desperate cries of mothers calling for their daughters. Some of the cries were beaten to a stop, while others were threatened; though she couldn't understand a muffled word that was said. Each girl silently stood in the middle of the square. Raine could see the tears, could see the hard faces as they stood in the chilly air. None of them were dressed in dresses and most of their hair had been cut away.

A soldier walked up to the bar. Raine let the curtain go and motioned for people to step back. She watched when the doorknob turned once and winced as the Estharian soldier rammed it open. She berated herself for not leaving it unlocked, as if that would really slow these people down. Just something else for her to have to fix later. Everyone stood still. Raine's own heart rate increased as the bug soldier's helmet looked this way and that. He motioned for them to stand in a line and examined what few boys they had. Raine knew from the sight of the girls in the square that mothers had unsuccessfully tried to hide the gender of their daughters from the soldiers. It would seem that the advanced technology Esthar had programmed into their suits could see right through the attempted deceptions.

The soldier was joined by two more, and together they tore apart the bar. They swarmed the kitchen, bathrooms, cellar, and even her bedroom up the steps. With every dish that was broken and every cupboard broken into, Raine could feel the flaming rage, which surged up earlier in her chest, climb and climb. She took in a few deep breathes and hoped she could hold it together until this was over.

"Nothing here."

The men, if they could really be called that, left the bar, not even bothering to close the door. People started edging to the windows and looking out the door if they dared. Raine angrily grabbed the broom in the corner and started sweeping up the broken glass into piles. She couldn't face the children. The poor girls with their hair chopped short and wearing too big trousers, standing in the center of the town like they were rounded up cattle for slaughter. At the thought Raine swept harder, trying not to pay attention to the faint yelling coming from close by.

She went into her kitchen and sighed at the even larger mess before her. Just as she was wondering why those insects needed to throw her flour around her floor, she heard a little tap-tap. She almost disregarded it but then she heard it again. She looked out of her backdoor window and all she could see was grass behind it. She almost cried out in surprise when she saw little fingers appear to tap at the bottom of the windowpane. She pulled open the door.

Little Ellone from next door stood behind it. She was wrapped in a blanket and didn't have any shoes on despite the not so warm weather outside. Tears were running down her face, but she was being so very silent. No doubt that she was instructed to do so. Raine couldn't believe what she was seeing. Her thoughts rushed to her parents, suddenly feeling guilty about forgetting them in the panic, and the yelling and arguing next door suddenly made sense. Those voices were all too familiar, and she could practically see her best friend trying to reason with the soldiers at her door. She pulled the little girl inside and away from the door. She managed to shut her away in one of the broken cupboards when the gunshots started flying.

Raine ran out into her lobby screaming, "Close the door! Close the door!" People backed away from the windows, mothers ushering their boys to lie on the floor underneath the chairs and stools, as Raine and one of the younger of the elderly men pulled a table to the broken door. The gunshots seemed to go on forever, but it couldn't drown out the screaming coming from the other room. Raine ran back to the kitchen, momentarily forgetting the young girl was left there. Ellone was at a window, blanket forgotten on the floor. She seemed to be clawing at the window; her strong, tiny voice leaving puffs of steam on the surface of glass.

With the little time left before the soldiers notice that Ellone wasn't in the house next door, Raine created a plan. She grabbed Ellone and pulled her away from the window. The poor girl was still screaming as Raine set her on the counter in the pub. She ran back into the kitchen and grabbed the blanket off of the floor and the sharpest thing she could find.

Eyes widened when she walked back into the room. Ellone's screams turned hysterical when she saw what the older woman was carrying. Raine, not really sure how to calm a three year old down, clamped a hand over the screaming girl's mouth. She didn't mean to look threatening, but had to make a point, by pointing the knife in the girl's face as she hissed, "don't you dare move." Before anyone could say a word, Raine gathered the girl's long brown hair into one hand and cut right through it. She threw the chunk of hair away and set the knife under the counter. She picked Ellone up and wrapped her in the blanket, trying to sooth her sobs even just a little. Ellone's screams eventually settled into whimpers as the bar grew silent. The gunshots had stopped and instead were replaced with the loud beating of Raine's heart. She could have sworn the whole town could hear it. "Women and kids, sit in the corner. Now," she ordered. No one gave the command a second thought as they found their place on the floor.

Raine handed Ellone over to one of ladies and instructed the children to cling to their mothers like before. With the little girl wrapped up so tightly and against the woman's chest she looked just like another one of the young boys scared for his life. Raine could only hope that the soldier who came in for a second look wasn't any of the ones from earlier and was frantic enough to skip over his scanner. The door banged open, despite the table being in front of it, and one bug came back in.

Somehow she was lucky. The soldier only did a quick eye sweep not even glancing at the mothers who were trying to calm their sons on the floor in the corner of the room. He left to report back to his commander. Raine let out a sigh of relief, the only other sound was Ellone's quiet sobs coming from underneath the blanket.

. . .

"Gunned down in cold blood."

"They didn't deserve this."

"What are we going to do about the girl? Unfortunately, she is being passed around from house to house and that's no way for her to live."

Raine held onto Ellone tightly. She had just spent the last four hours helping the mayor and a few other ladies scrub Emery and Kenrick's blood off of the walls and floor of the now empty house. It had been a week since the raid, but Raine felt like it happened just the night before. She was tired, sick, and devastated. The bullet holes that showered through the small home proved that they were killed—no, murdered—mercilessly. There wasn't any explanation on why Esthar shot them so many times. It was completely unnecessary. Her stomach churned unpleasantly as she felt the guilt tear at the relief that she hadn't seen their bodies. She looked at the mayor of Winhill, who seemed to age twenty more years in the last week. She nodded her head to the girl who was asleep though twitching in her arms. "Emery was my best friend. I don't think…I don't think she'd want Ellone to go to anyone else."

The mayor seemed to agree with a nod of his head. "Besides when anyone wants to take her away she starts crying for me," she added. "I'm not sure where else she could go."

"She doesn't have _any_ family outside of Winhill? Well, there is that orphanage being started up," a voice suggested. Raine looked around until she found the owner of the voice. The woman was a traveling nurse that took care of the people here in this town. Both she and the doctor made an emergency visit when word got out that Winhill was targeted. "We could send her there."

Raine shook her head. She didn't trust the outside world any more than the other people in this town, and wondered why this woman would even suggest it. "Why would you even say that? She's traumatized, and alone!"

"There is _something_ wrong with her."

Raine bit back her reply when the other people in the room gave them curious looks. Emery had told Raine something strange just only a few months before. Something about how she and her husband could tell that Ellone just suddenly wasn't there. She could be physically sitting or standing, but her eyes would stare and no amount of words or shaking could bring her back. When she would come to she would usually just sit down on the ground and cry. Sometimes they could understand what she was saying between the tears, though they themselves didn't know what to do with the information. How could they explain to anyone that their daughter was seeing things from their past? Childlike but true descriptions of how Kenrick ended up in Winhill or how Emery got into a little bit of trouble at school, despite the two of them never talking about the events to their young daughter. They hadn't told everyone in the town for fear that word would get out that there was something strange going on with her.

Though, of course, Emery would tell the nurse. Maybe she asked her for advice. The nurse would have talked to other doctors in other cities. Maybe word could have gotten out to all the other countries. Raine had a sudden feeling that she may have figured out why suddenly Esthar would target a little town in the middle of nowhere. She squinted at the nurse, her voice a little sharper than usual. "Why would _you_ suggest that there is something wrong with _her_? Is there a reason _they_ attacked this little town? Do you know something _we_ don't?"

The nurse turned a light shade of pink. Her mouth opened, trying to form words, before she broke eye contact. She stared at the ground not saying another word. Raine knew she pinpointed the issue and almost stood up to slap the woman. Because of her running mouth there was a family broken. People died; her best friend included. Ellone twitched again, and cried out for her mother. The room grew silent. The mayor cleared his throat. "Then Raine will take care of Ellone."


	4. Chapter Three: One Step Forward

**Chapter Three:** One Step Forward…

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy VIII.

_I thought that when I took you in, Ellone, that things would be pretty easy. You were young, I was young, and it was going to be maybe a bit of fun. Well, it was. But it took almost a year to get to that._

_I love you so much, don't get me wrong, but those first few months. That first year was the hardest year to get through. And, so you know, I don't blame you. I would never do that. I was only twenty-one and barely an adult, and life should have been better for you. It should have been better for everyone._

* * *

Ellone's nightmares lasted six months. The first two months they were happening every night. Every night Raine would pull the little girl close and try and rock her back to sleep. The two of them didn't really get any sleep at all, and, although she hated to admit it, Raine was miserable. She felt the guilt at that realization, and told herself that she would never let it be known to anyone else that she was having issues with taking care of this broken child. How could she be called responsible otherwise?

During the day the little girl mostly just hung around the bar quietly. She didn't go near the windows and refused to talk about her parents, if she would even utter any words at all. Raine would watch as she shied away from the visitors during the morning and hide in the cupboards randomly in the afternoon. After watching Ellone climb into the small space for a third time in twenty minutes one day, Raine yanked the door open. She found her grabbing what little hair she had left on her head, eyes staring blankly in front of her. Raine gently moved the girl out of the cupboard, which was a mistake. Ellone started screaming, little fists flying in the air and connecting to Raine's face just a few times. She learned after that to just let Ellone be in those moments.

_I'm not doing this right. I can't be a mother_, Raine thought as she watched the girl sit at the top of the stairs one morning. It's been four months since Esthar raided Winhill and the little girl had barely said five words a day to her. She found herself starting to wonder if the nurse was right. Maybe the orphanage would know what to do with the girl who went back in time. The more she thought about it, the more she knew she couldn't just abandon Emery's daughter. Emery wouldn't have wanted Ellone to go anywhere else, and Raine would never forgive herself if she just gave up.

_I can't reach out to anyone. No one knows what to do. Every mother whose daughter was taken away resents the poor girl._ Raine paused her thoughts to help the man who just came in. As she was getting his order ready, she watched as Ellone slowly climbed down the stairs. The girl took very slow steps and it seemed like she was trying to find courage in herself to do something. She stepped up slowly to the table just as Raine was setting the drink down in front of the man. When she reached the table, the older gentleman finally looked down at her. At the sudden attention, Ellone grew embarrassed. She found her way behind Raine, and clung to her leg.

The man laughed. "Well, if it isn't little Elle from next door. I haven't seen you in a little while! Come here," he said, gently.

Ellone took a second to peek around Raine's knees. The man was smiling at her, giving her an encouraging nod. Raine felt the grip loosen from behind her. The little girl found her steps and managed to shyly place herself from behind Raine. The man patted the girl on the head and pulled out a little sweet from his pocket. At the sight of the candy, Ellone's face lit up. Raine couldn't help but to allow a chuckle pass from her. Ellone thanked the man, and he commented on how much of a little lady she was.

After that moment, Ellone seemed to be a little braver around people. The pub was starting to get busier now that the cold weather was starting to fade into warmth. Ellone was starting to come out of her shell a little at a time. First it was with the older gentlemen in the bar, which Raine noticed always seemed to have a piece of candy with them, and then she started talking to the women. Raine observed that while most of the grieving mothers there were having trouble getting over their daughters being taken away, some were able to finally smile at the girl who managed to escape Esthar.

There were still times when Ellone's mind would wander. Wordlessly, Raine and Ellone developed a way to communicate the oncoming 'attacks.' Ellone could feel them coming, luckily they frequented less and less as the months went on, and would lock eyes with Raine. Raine would then come up with a little excuse for the girl, and tuck her away in the kitchen. A few minutes later, or even a half hour or more if it was a bad trip, Ellone would come back into the pub with tears in her eyes. It was if all of her confidence drained out, and she wouldn't leave Raine's side; one small hand constantly curled into her pant leg.

"Shy all of the sudden?" Sometimes people would ask.

Raine would sadly smile, and say in a low voice, "sometimes she thinks about her mom and dad and just needs to get away, you know." People would nod and let it go.

. . .

One rainy afternoon while Raine sat at one of the tables, budgeting out her supplies, Ellone climbed up to the chair and sat with her. This was normal as the little girl didn't leave the bar, and with the monsters that had been swarming the town recently there wasn't any way Raine would let her go outside anyway; not even on trips to the store.

"I mwiss 'em."

Raine set down her pencil and blinked at the almost three-year-old. She was swinging her feet slowly underneath the table. In the seven months that took place since the attack, her hair had grown into a little bob that now hid her face from the older woman. Raine thought to herself that she would eventually have it cut into a nicer style. She waited to see if the girl would speak again, but nothing else was coming out of her, so Raine took the moment to talk. "What do you miss most about them?"

Ellone thought hard. "I mwiss mommy's hugs. I mwiss daddy's laugh." She wiped a little tear away from her cheek. "I'm scawed I'm gwoing to forget 'em."

Raine patted Ellone's head. It felt easier to do now than it did when Ellone first started staying with her. After a moment she found what she wanted to say. "Did you know that I can't remember my father's laugh?" Ellone looked up and shook her head. Raine leaned down. "I can't remember what he sounds like at all. But you know what I do remember? I remember his smile. I remember he was the nicest guy around." Raine placed a hand over the little girl's fist. "Ellone, things happen, even when we don't want them to, but it doesn't mean that we are going to forget everything about those who leave before us. So you might forget what your parents sound like. They may become silent eventually, but you'll always remember a little part of them. You'll never forget."

Ellone burst into tears. Raine had a moment of panic that maybe she still didn't know how to take care of an almost three-year-old, and maybe she just said all of the wrong things. But the girl quickly dried her tears and sniffled out, "tank yoo, Aunt Raine," before hopping off of the stool and wandering off upstairs.

Raine couldn't erase the smile that formed on her lips. "Aunt Raine, huh?"

. . .

"It's almost Ellone's birthday," Raine was telling the older woman in the shop. The flower shop wasn't owned by the Jacobsons anymore, and it almost pained Raine to think about the passing of Emery's grandmother. Her favorite flowers were all around—the white lilies were the ones that she helped sell during the warmer months—and she made an effort to get down here every week to chat to the shop owner. It was nearing September, the summer months chilling. "I'm not sure what I should do. I mean the other birthdays she's had have always been small. Emery and Kenrick didn't think she needed many things…so they never did anything big."

"Well then, why don't you just make her a cake?"

"I feel like…I should do something. Special, you know? I mean her parents…obviously being two wasn't the best year of her life."

The old woman chuckled. "Maybe all she needs is something small then. I remember when your father passed away, Raine. You wouldn't even come out of your room. What did your mother do for you?"

Raine remembered and sighed. "She made the smallest cake she could make and we sat and ate it together. I didn't know at the time but it's exactly what I needed. No big parties. People made me nervous. I was also ten. Not two."

"I know Elle is coming back to us. Every day she gets stronger and stronger, but she doesn't need anything big. She just needs the one person who is there for her now. I bet when you make that little cake and stick three candles in it she'll be the happiest little girl in the world."

Raine knew she was right. Picking out her favorite three of the white blooms, she began thinking about how exactly she was going to get this girl's birthday going.

. . .

Raine silently arranged the flowers that were in front of her. With it being Sunday, the pub was closed and there was no rush into what she was doing. Ellone was still asleep in her bed upstairs, and the sun was only just rising. Making a small cake wasn't an easy task for Raine. Her mother may have been able to make it with ease, but she couldn't ever figure out how to cut all the ingredients down to the right mixture.

Or if she even still had the little cake pan.

After looking and crashing around a bit in the kitchen, she found the old thing in the back of a cupboard she didn't really use anymore. By noon she had tasted around five cakes, all tasting awful.

"I know it's my bwirfday!" Ellone had been seated at the table for a few hours now, keeping busy with drawings, but instructed not to come into the kitchen. "Auntie Raine! How loooong is thwis gowing to twake?"

"Ellone it's been awhile since I've…done this! Give me a second!" Give me an hour, she thought afterward.

By two o'clock she finally made her best cake yet, and quickly threw together some sandwiches and cold tea for a late lunch. Ellone eagerly ate the sandwich, Raine feeling a little ashamed for taking so long to get lunch out. "Slow down! You've got to leave room for some cake!"

"There's cake!"

"What else do you think I've been doing all morning?"

After late lunch, Raine asked Ellone to turn out the lights. She arranged the little cake and the vase of flowers on the tray and carried them out to the tune of the birthday song. Ellone's expression grew into the biggest smile Raine had seen in the almost year they had been living together. "It's swo small!"

"Make a wish!"

The little girl closed her eyes hard and blew out the candles. Raine flipped the lights on and together they ate the birthday cake.

The day ended with Ellone curled into Raine's side, while she read the little girl stories from the many books she brought over from her old house next door.

"This was a wice bwirfday," Ellone said with a yawn. She looked ready to drop asleep at any moment. Raine helped her out of her clothes and pulled her nightshirt over her head. By the time she half carried, half dragged her to the bed, she was very much asleep. Raine kissed her forehead and tucked the covers in around her.

. . .

(It was raining only minutes ago, but oddly enough the ground was not wet at all. In fact the grass was very dry, and almost brown; almost as if it was the end of October instead of September. Raine looked up at the sun, which the motion was a different feeling. Almost as if she didn't have a body. The sky was blue, though it almost seemed like there was a gray tinge to it, to everything, she corrected. Almost as if the saturation has been turned way down. _What's going on? _she asked herself. She looked down at her nonexistent hands, a crease formed on her nonexistent brow, and it almost tickled to do so.)

(_Where is my body?! Did I fall asleep?_)

"Where do you think you're going?" (Raine snapped her floaty body towards the sound coming from across the market.) A young woman was marching away from what looked to be her mother. Her getting longer blond hair was pulled back from her face with different colored pins, and familiar brown eyes looked very determined. (Raine gasped. _Emery_.)

"Young lady, I asked you a question!"

"I'm twenty, mom," a younger Emery fired back. "I can _do_ whatever I want!"

"Not when you live in _my_ house, you can't!" The mother's words didn't seem to be stopping her daughter fully. "You are not to see that man! He's an _outsider_ and—"

"Kenrick moved here from the city!" Emery's hands found her hips. Her legs were slightly apart and she was bending just a little towards the older woman in front of her. (Raine almost laughed. She's seen that posture come from her daughter many times.) "He _moved_ here, emphasis on the _moved_ part! Which means he is as much as an outsider as you or me are!"

"He is not to be trusted! You know what those people from across the ocean are like! _They_ are starting a war, Emery!"

Emery stood her ground. There wasn't anything that was going to make her change her mind. (Raine could see it.) "Momma—" (Raine's laughter snorted out of her. _That girl could be so country at times! And I know she hated it!_)"—I love him. He loves me, and there ain't nothin' you can do about it."

The older woman's mouth dropped open as she watched her only daughter stride away from her house. Without knowing what else to do, she stormed inside and slammed the door.

. . .

It was as if the door slam woke her up. There was a broken dish in front of her and she could see Ellone standing in front of it, pulling down her dress and dancing on her toes. Raine would have thought it was comical if the girl didn't look so scared. "I'msworryIdidn'knowIcwoulddewthatIsentyooback!"

Raine, as soon as she could find her bearings, sat up and pulled the hysterical girl to her. "I don't understand what you just said, but I have an idea what happened. You're fine. You're okay. You'll be okay. I'm fine, you see? No one was hurt…"

"I swee the bugs ewerywhere!" Ellone sobbed into her shoulder.

Raine didn't understand but kept on patting her back. Ellone continued, "they are welling…at…at mommy! Twelling her to stwand down! They pwush daddy back! They are wooking for…for…for me! I don't see…I can't see…'em die."

Raine suddenly understood. The bugs. The Esthar soldiers. She hugged the girl closer to her. She tried to hold back her own tears, but they came out anyway. She wondered if she had given herself any time to grieve since Esthar raided Winhill. She threw herself into the pub and into taking care of Ellone. It didn't seem like it should be possible. Emery and Kenrick were so young, so full of life. To be taken down just like that, well, Raine couldn't hold in her sob. Her best friends didn't deserve that.

She cried with the girl, as they melted into a mess on the floor.


End file.
